The Apology

"Please don’t feel that way. Isn’t it enough? Don’t you feel my love?"

And he takes my face into his hands and forces me to look him in the eye.

"You are my person. My adventure buddy. My best friend. My food trip partner. My partner. My partner in crime. I love you. Please don’t forget that I love you. Please."

Man on the side

Dear Kimchi,

We were goofing around in your CAr again today when you said,

"i love you, you make all the pain go away."

Naturally this alarmed me.

"where did all the pain come from?" i asked, expecting you to say you family, your job, your ex. Hoping you wouldn’t mention her— that girl. The one with commitment issues which is why you didn’t end up with her.

But of course it was her.

And for the second time in the history of us, it was me who had to almost beg you to talk.

And I found out how you almost fell for her until you found out she isn’t single anymore. But you still continued going out, you still hoped she would choose you. Until you couldn’t take it anymore. And now that she found out about us, she no longer speaks with you.

But you said the other week she just stopped talking to you. Just last week. We’ve been together for almost a month.

And do you realize? When you talk about her, you seem like you’re in so much pain, still?

And, Kimchi, i did not want to cry. I did not. But I couldn’t help it when I asked you if I was your rebound girl, to which you profusely denied.

You don’t realize how much longing there is in your voice when you speak about her.

Take it back. Take your truth back, please, Kimchi. I want to remember yesterday’s conversation of you saying you’re hoping we end up together. Of you saying we are a product of God’s perfect timing. Of you kidnapping me for the night to just talk about philosophical nonsense.

Take your truth back. It scares me.

Getting to know you and yours

You introduced me to your family and I was planning in my head how much we would get along. Ok that’s a lie, I was thinking they’s think I was easy because who sleeps in her boyfriend’s room the first time she comes over, right?

But you asked so nicely and I’ve said no to you on very many things so I said yes though I felt like your family would feel it’s too soon to feel this homey.

They shrugged me off and I took that. There was no effort to engage me in conversation which kind of made me feel like a wet rag.

I feel like I failed you after you charmed my family.

I don’t know how to make it up to you but I want to.

Bawat Daan

Original Composition by Ebe Dancel for “Sa Wakas” the Musical
As performed by Ebe Dancel feat. The Cast of Sa Wakas

Sa pagkumpas ng ‘yong kamay
ang aking landas, ginagabay
nag-iisang tiyak sa isang libong duda
silong sa iyak, at pagluluksa

kung puso ko ay imamapa
ikaw ang dulo, gitna’t simula
nahanap din kita (kay tagal kong naghintay)
nahanap kita

at maligaw man at mawala
umikot man sa kawalan
sa bawat kailan, sino’t saan
ikaw lamang ang kasagutan

bawat kanan at kaliwa
kanluran man o hilaga
ang bawat daan ko ay patungo
pabalik sa ‘yo

kay tagal nang lumulutang
walang pupuntahan walang dahilan
parang ulap na walang dalang ulan
kamang walang kumot at unan

bihag ako ng pagtataka
may saysay ba ang paglalakbay
ngunit nahanap din kita
nahanap kita

at maligaw man at mawala
umikot man sa kawalan
sa bawat kailan, sino’t saan
ikaw lamang ang kasagutan

bawat kanan at kaliwa
kanluran man o hilaga
ang bawat daan ko ay patungo
pabalik sa ‘yo

kay tagal kong naghintay
kung ang puso ko ay imamapa
ikaw ang dulo, ang gitna’t simula

kay tagal kong naghintay
ikaw (ikaw)
ikaw (ikaw)

The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross


Dear Snape,

I told him about you. Or at least the general idea of your existence.

He accepts me despite of it and with that I fall for him more.

He grows more and more aggressive with how he acts around me though. Like I turn good men into creatures ruled by instincts.


The Love Like Sunlight



I hope one day you get to love someone like you love breathing air or drinking water. Like they are fundamental to your existence, needed and necessary.

I hope you get to love like gravity loves, like the sun loves the earth.

Like warm sunlight upon soil that makes plants grow.

I hope one day you get to love like that.

She is a year ago.
She is the ache in the empty,
the first time you changed your mind
and the last time you were sorry about it.
She is a city sleeping beside you,
warm and vast and familiar, streetlights
yawning and stretching,
and you have never. You have never.
You have never loved someone like this.
She is your first stomach ache.
Your first panic attack and your
favorite cold shower.
A mountain is moving somewhere
inside of you, and her handprints are all over it.
Here. Here. Here, you love her.
In the fractured morning, full of
too tired and too sad, she is the first
foot that leaves the bed.
She is the fight in you, the winning
and the losing battle
floating like a shipwreck in your chest.
When they ask you what your favorite moment is,
You will say Her.
You will always say Her.
Caitlyn Siehl, Her, Her, Her (via alonesomes)

Dear L, stop making me hate you

I will stop drinking around so will stop having the opportunity to take advantage of me.

So getting mad when I refuse you, I was never yours to take.

Stop tying.

Let me go.

I’m happy, let me be happy.

genesis, n.: There’s no single moment I can say was the first time I loved you. It was a gathering of moments that added up to become love.

A Lover’s Dictionary

by David Levithan


How I know I love you: I am a person of envy and pride and yet I find that I do not covet your success. It makes me glow with pride.